Tuesday, 28 May 2013
Estella to Los Arcos
On my way to Los Arcos and I get a bit lost trying to find the path of the Camino but I ask someone and they point out the way. No one speaks English so I'm trying to understand Spanish and for the most part I am. If you just say Camino, any one can point you in the right direction which is very good. I find myself walking through forests today all by myself. I get a weird feeling and think to myself that if something were to happen to me here, there would be no one to find me. Pretty creepy feeling. I'm told later that I took the hard path of the Camino, of course that is the story of my life. I wondered why I hadn't passed any one today but apparently there was a much easier path and everyone else found that one. I was right about the fact that I was completely alone on the path I had taken and that creepy feeling was justified. I phone my sister Laurie and cry. She doesn't answer. I just need a friendly voice. I get to a town where there should have been food but no, everything is closed. I am really hating this. Being this hungry and cold and exhausted and in pain is just too much for me. I just want to go home. I need to go home. I arrive in Los Arcos. I find a place for tea and a pizza. At least I'm not as hungry but damn it's so cold here. I'm told there is an airport in Logrono. I catch a taxi and head to Logrono. I get into a pensione for the night. It's a dump but it's a bed. I need to see a doctor about my feet. This stabbing pain that goes from the bottoms of my feet into my legs is terrible. The one toe has a blister that has come up under my toe nail is really bad. The other blisters are bad too but that one is a killer. I ask where to find a doctor. I go to a farmacie and they are able to help. My toe is really bad and I'm told to keep it bandaged and stay off of my feet for at least three days. I need to find out about flights. I want to go home. I have no one to support me here. I'm so emotionally drained, not to mention physically. I need to recuperate and ho home. I feel like I'm failing everyone but I've spoken to my sister and she agrees that I should come home. I've texted with my daughter Shelby and she wants me home for my fiftieth birthday. If Shelby and her husband Erik ever do the Camino, I have the option of picking up in Los Arcos again and having someone to do it with. Right now, I've had enough and I don't think I ever need to do something that is this hard on my body again. I wish I could say it was a fun vacation but I can't. I just want my feet not to hurt any more and the pain in my back to get better. I want to sleep in my own bed and I want to see my dogs. I miss the comforts of home like being able to eat when I want. If any one wants to really understand what each day was like on the Camino, you need to walk up and down the grouse grind for six or seven hours a day carrying 20 pounds on your back and do that every day until you are up to two hundred kilometers. See how you feel after that and let me know if and when you are ready to quit. There was no way I could keep going with the pain I am in and this was my journey to find out about myself. I learned a lot. I'm more than I every thought I was. I'm braver just because I tried and I'm stronger because of how far I actually went. I'm not going to think worse of myself because I am coming home. I'm going to think more of myself because I did more than I ever thought I could. I'm happy with that. This won't be my last adventure but it will be the last time I take off on an adventure alone. I love ME for the fact that I tried.